The Story of Comcast

As companies like Comcast are increasingly in the news on technology-related news sources, some might wonder how the entire situation with Comcast came to be. Well, this abridged version of the actual shareholder delegate meetings in two acts might shed some light on the topic.

Act 1

Shareholder Delegate #1: Gentlemen, I propose that we advertise higher bandwidth, increase prices, and sign up more customers. Yay or nay?
Delegate #4: What is the business impact of this proposal?
Delegate #1: More money for us.
Delegate #4: Yay.
Delegate #3: Yay.
Delegate #5: Yay.
Delegate #2: Yay!
Delegate #5: I propose we increase network capacity to accommodate those additional customers.
Delegate #2: What is the business impact of this proposal?
Delegate #5: We'll need to spend some money in the short term to...
Delegate #2: Nay!
Delegate #4: Nay!
Delegate #3: Yay.
Delegate #1: Nay.

Repeat 37 times

Act 2

Delegate #2: Holy shit! We've got way more network traffic than the network can handle! It's strangling our network to death!
Delegate #4: This is a disaster! Quick, somebody find a scapegoat!
Network Technician: Well, it looks like BitTorrent is using up a fair amount of bandwidth.
Delegate #4: Kill it, quick!
Network Technician: BitTorrent traffic blocked. Network performance has returned to mediocre levels.
Delegate #2: Whew. Crisis averted.
Delegate #2: Now then, I propose we increase advertised bandwidth and sign up more users. Oh, and we can't forget to increase the price; we are selling a limited resource, after all.
Delegate #3: What is the business impact of this proposal?
Delegate #2: More money for us.
Delegate #2: Yay.
Delegate #5: Yay.
Delegate #4: Yay!
Delegate #3: Yay.
Delegate #5: I propose we upgrade our network to...
Delegate #2: I thought we voted you out months ago. Security!
*delegate #5 is dragged out of the room by security guards*

*cut to next business meeting*

Delegate #4: Gentlemen, I propose that we raise advertised bandwidth, increase prices, and sign up more customers.

*curtain*

This post inspired by Mac Chaos' various parodies over the years, which are probably better than mine.